Don’t be a lye-er, ever since you saw Brad Pitt’s rock-hard, chiseled, godly, makes-you-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-and…what? Oh sorry…soap! Yeah, so ever since Brad Pitt and Edward Norton made looking dirty hot while creating soap in their kitchen, we’ve always wanted to try it. Follow this step-by-step game plan to create your own…hey, after gettin’ dirty you need something to cleanse your eternally damned soul. Hot guy not included.
Gather Your Gear
Head to your nearest arts and crafts store and pick up these items:
*Bars of natural soap—free of fragrance and color
*Soap molds (these come in all sorts of shapes and sizes)
*Essential oils (lavender for calming your nerves from social drama, patchouli for stoners, ginger for increased sex appeal, and citrus for energy after late-night parties)
*Oats (for sloughing)
*Vitamin E oil (for parched skin)
*Almond, vanilla, or coconut oil (hey, you gotta smell nice!)
Then drop by your local grocery store for:
*Food coloring
*Biggest handle of rum you can find, marg mix, ice (for you, not the soap)
Raid your kitchen cabinets (or your friend’s) for these necessary components:
*Blender or food processor (preferably both so you can mix margs in one and the soap in the other….warning: do not combine!)
*Grater
*Pot (the legal kind…sorry)
*Glass bowl (uh, the kind your mom might have…?)
Stop by the local AA outpost for:
*A totally hot self-destructive stud (the handle of rum also comes in handy here)
Step-by-Step Regime
Now follow these easy steps to clean up your act:
1. Cut a hole in the box…whoops, wrong DIY craft.
2. Grate soap with a blender or food processor.
3. Have a margarita.
4. Boil a pot of water.
5. Add a dash of almond, vanilla, or coconut oil into the bowl.
6. Add the soap into the bowl.
7. Have a margarita.
8. Pour the heated water into the bowl until mixture changes into paste.
9. Add essential oils, coloring, oats, and Vitamin E as desired.
10. Spoon into molds.
11. Make sure the stove is off.
12. Have a margarita.
13. Let cool for about four hours (this is where the boy comes in…you need something to fill your time!)
14. For gifts, tie up in thin sheets of parchment paper and wrap with raffia or hemp. Attach a handwritten note about how you labored for hours…over the soap, that is.
15. Leave everything a mess and use that extra raffia to create the next two steps of step one…you know how it goes!
~ Kirsten Ott
